I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
