TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
