and you said cock pushups were impossible
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
