I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He kissed a someone with a penis
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
