we're chasing vodka with high fives
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
