Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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