I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
