OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
