im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
