So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
