Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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