I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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