I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
