Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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