I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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