u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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