My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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