My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize