Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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