remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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