Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
