he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
