you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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