If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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