shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
