what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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