hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
