I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
