upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
