So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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