3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
