i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
