alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i need some magic done to my vagina
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
