i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
