Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
