if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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