Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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