guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
