Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
