Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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