how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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