Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
