So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
