Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
