I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
