I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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