I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
