Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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