Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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