you guys were way drunker than both of me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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