Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
