the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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