i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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