omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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