eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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