My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
