some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
