Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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