he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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