O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
