Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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