it wasn't lemon gatorade
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
