Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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