He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
