I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
