Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
