Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I want to be your penis for a week.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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