you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
