im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
