I can't watch pbs sober anymore
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
