I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
