Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
