You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
