Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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