Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
