alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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