If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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