I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
