I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
