Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
