roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The air taste purple.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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