I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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