??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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