dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
