put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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