i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pants are for mortals
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
