So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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