Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
