CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
