This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
