can u get pink eye on your cock?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
