I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
COCAINE IS GR8
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize