she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
