don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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