i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm at about main and main street
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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