he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
