Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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