walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize