I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
