Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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