I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
